Win-win Situation

Most of my friends are still single and I must admit I miss being one sometimes. But being married is a whole new different thing, and I love every moment of it. Whether you’re single or married, that season of life is a win-win situation. The craziness of singlehood is exciting while the mystery of married life is pure bliss. You read it right, being married also has its mysteries as you continuously discover new things about your husband, your child, and even yourself! 🙂 Similarly, being single is like living a life of random discovery—with all the time in your hands, you have the leisure of acquiring a new hobby, learning a new skill, travelling to a new place, and the list goes on. I’m not saying that you can’t do this when you’re married. Of course you can! The only difference is SPONTANEITY. When you’re single, you can do all these things in a snap. When you’re married, you have to plan with your family, making sure that your new hobby/road trip with friends will not interfere with your quality time with your family. Prioritizing becomes big in your vocabulary and time management becomes your most coveted skill.

Freedom is a big issue among single and married people. I must say that I had a blast being single for 28 years. I enjoyed the freedom of having my own time and spending my own money. Being with friends and family is just plain awesome and often insane (in a good way, of course). Good times just keep rollin’ when you’re single! When I became Mrs. Guerrero I discovered that there is a certain kind of freedom that comes with exclusivity, and it’s beautiful. There is freedom in sharing things with your husband that only the two of you can understand—there is freedom in that level of vulnerability. There is freedom in being yourself and not fearing rejection when you’re with a person who loves you regardless if you have sleep marks or a sleep-inducing morning breath. There is freedom in precious uncontrollable laughter that you share with your lifetime partner. There is freedom in exploring new things with the new roles you play, which in my case, as a wife and as a mother. It’s just a different kind of freedom!

Fulfilment is another issue that single and married people grapple with. When you’re single, your sense of fulfilment most of the time comes from your career. Thus, when you’re husband tells you to give up your job when you get married, your tendency is to negotiate and compromise all because you feel that you’re losing that which gives you fulfilment. I’m not trying to sound preachy and all but I must say that I only found fulfilment with my relationship with God. Knowing that there’s a God who loves you, who knows you by name, who cares for you so much to send His Son to die for you so that you can be with Him till eternity—that gave me the security and fulfilment I need.  Knowing that the same God forgives me, accepts me for who I am, and helps me to change for the better makes all the difference at how I viewed fulfilment. Single or married, I believe fulfilment comes from within. Expecting other people, things, and circumstances to fulfil you ends up in futility and frustration most of the time.

Fun is probably the most constant aspect of singlehood and married life. It’s undeniably there! Being single is often synonymous to a fun, carefree life. It’s fun to have lots of “me” time when you’re single—whether it’s going out with friends from dusk till dawn or just spending one whole day alone reading. Let me tell you a trade secret, being married is just as fun! Singles, don’t listen to horror stories of married couples out there. Each story is unique and you as a lead character in that story can make yours either fun or merely functional. Got it? Some families/couples just run based on responsibilities mechanically assigned to each member. Is it functioning as a unit? Yes. But where’s the fun in that? Being married is fun magnified a hundred times if you allow it. When you give allowances for each other and not fret over little things, when you celebrate small victories, when you laugh at each other, when you enjoy doing things together, and when you keep God in the center of your relationship—fun and ultimately, joy will resonate effortlessly in your household.

Whatever season of life you’re in right now, it’s most definitely a win-win situation. You’re not on the losing side if you’re single and you won’t be on the losing side when you get married. Take it from me. I’ve been on both sides of the fence and it’s not true that the other side is greener. They may be poles apart in a lot of aspects but each side is uniquely beautiful and worth staying in. 🙂

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